I’m a whore…

19 03 2010

Sorry mum, but I am. 

I’m a big fat whore of words.

A prostitute of prose.

*sigh*

I disgust myself at times… Surely if I sell all of my writing then I am not being a true ‘writer’?

I thought all of this to myself very recently and then promptly went cold-turkey and gave up all my freelance writing gigs.

I became very poor.

And sad :(

And borrrrreeeed.

So out of necessity and need I picked up some new jobs – but this time I was extremely picky about my clientele, and the work that I would do. Call it selective or bitchy, call it whatever you want - I care not! Cos I’m writing again. And it’s fucken unreal!

I used to ‘churn out’ articles and blogs, ending up resenting the work, the client and producing some waffle (albeit still amusing waffle, but waffle all the same).  I hated it.

Now, I’m writing well and getting good cash-olla for it. I took some massive risks and they are paying off. Fucking finally.

I write first thing  in the morning on the train….reminiscent of my own short story The Broady Line – I sit in a corner seat with my moleskin notebook on my lap (thanks Leela) and inhale the fresh smell of morning breath and unwashed youth. Mmmmm…aceness!

Sometime between Broady and Ascot vale I realise that the sun has woken up and I’m two articles down and nearly at my destination. It pays for my train ticket and then some. Hmmm, why the fricken hell hadn’t I evolved before this?

The biggest payoff though is that I am working on my craft again.

Like a demon slut of syntax, a harlot of hellish text.

I am writing.

So, I am HAPPY.

And also a  whore.

Yes, yes I am.

Sorry mum :)





Mmmm……pain and stuff

8 12 2009

...and so we begin again

'happy place, happy place' ;)

dreams do come real





I am a writer, I am!

16 09 2009

I really am a writer. I am a kick-arse freelance writer based in Melbourne, Australia – working on my skill every single day and for the most part making a decent living of it. Yet a dozen times a day I feel myself justifying that simple sentence…

I am a writer.

To myself, no less. This is silly I know, in a day and age where an independent woman should be riding high on success and basking in self-esteem if she’s living her dream. But not me.

Soooooo….I have decided to change.

I have decided to start believing the hype…I shall, from here on in, start to think of myself in a different light; maybe in a great big fuck-off spotlight with red and green cello lenses and strobe powers!

No more second guessing for this little black fuck, I’m tired of the sound of my own whining inner voice :)

That’s all folks!





You, review

30 07 2009

 

Ash(www.ashleyweidner.com)

Last night I sat in the audience for ‘You’, a play that a friend of mine, (Ashley Weidner) wrote and performed. The intimate theatre at the acid-dipped eclectium that is the The Butterfly Club in South Melbourne served as a perfect backdrop to the show. Pre dinner drinks procured from a darling retro kitchen and enjoyed surrounded by kitsch ceramic pottery, baby turtles, glazed marble ashtrays and dolls and action figures of every style and era just made the following performance of ‘You’ in the adjoining theatre even more surreal…

The Back Room @ The Butterfly Club

The Back Room @ The Butterfly Club

‘You’ is a full-on, raw look at one man’s journey into and through depression. Written by Ashley about his own thoughts, feelings and adventures with the Black Dog of Darkness, watching ‘You’ was a little akin to peeling back his dura mater and taking a look at the pulsing, ebbing mechanics of his brain. Eeew, but cool.

Enhanced by music that Ash and Tobias Wilkins wrote together, I was happily hypnotised and tapping my feet along to ‘You’! The caramelised guitar sounds (Toby) and heavenly cello (Olivia) and violin (Dani) rendered me completely at Ash’s artistic will….I even found myself singing along to ‘Will you hold it while I pee?’ (in hushed out-of-tune voice of course).

I cried a little bit (nobody noticed I hope), laughed a hell of a lot and revisited some dark and dirty memories too. Thanks Ash xox

Last night of the premiere season tonight, get your arses there munchkins, you won’t regret it!

Tix available from The Butterfly Club





Commitment (or commit me…I’m not sure)

15 05 2009

So I made this big brouhaha about how committed I am to my new life as a writer, and more specifically to my logo.  I went so far as to promise that I’d get it tattooed permanently on my skin…

So I did.

Yeah man, I am so badarse-hardcore that I even shock myself.

It was professionally and hygenically tattooed by my Tattoo God Rick Almond at Splash of Color Tattoos in Ascot Vale.  It only took about an hour or so for him to do the initial outline and shading – I’ll have to go back for some colourisation soon!

I chose to get it done on Good Friday, when the shop donates ALL their profits to the Royal Children’s Hospital Good Friday Appeal. Bloody Legends!  A friend of mine Amy filmed the tattooing and conducted a pretty funny interview with me prior to the needle onset!  I’m planning to get a bit more footage when its completed and then YouTube my pain for all to see.

It’s my new favourite tattoo.  I LOVE IT!!!!

 

No going back

No going back

Some people think I’m crazy, some think I’m a fool…some just tell me how much they love Dan Brown too….*sigh* But most people are just curious about its meaning and genuinely impressed by its visual appeal. They are my kind of people.

I feel like I have a constant reminder of who I am now. What I’m here to do…

Now just to go do it!





Pink Bits…

22 03 2009

Pink Bits

 

…watermelon insides, flamingoes, vomited cough syrup, cupcakes with icing and sprinkles, baby cheeks, the tops of radishes, embarrassment, shame, foot-high strawberry Swiss mountain malted milkshake, fairy wings, sunsets before a hot day, eerie morning sunrises, fairy floss, dildos made of ribbed rubber, fluffy handcuffs, frilly sheet sets, the lacey crocheted doll that sits on the toilet paper (does she have a name), princesses, jelly, trifle, iced doughnuts, rhubarb, sugar, flashing neon sale signs, cherries, peeling sun burnt skin, grazed knees, raw sausages, roses on teapots, sheepish, feminine, weak, soft, placid, vulnerable, sincere, posies, handkerchiefs with monograms in the corner, coat hangers sold by the country women’s association, flannelette sheets, cancer, girls bits, boobs, nipples, nailpolish, sparkles, butterflies, clean-shaven skin, when you stay in the bath too long, bacon, pigs, gumboots made of plastic, romance…

 

Brendan's OrchidsGirls Night In 2007The Balls of Boston 






4 Years 3 months

16 03 2009

Storms at night look so yuck

at least I’m scared of them

and if you say I aren’t

I are

jac – Age 4 years 3 months

I found this poem in a family photo album…it was written in my mum’s handwriting and says it’s the work of ‘Jacqueline Age 4 Years 3 months’ (me). There is a little hand drawn picture that I added to the corner – I think it’s supposed to be a person holding a bunch of flowers (my artwork was never as good as my writing).

I was touched that mum kept this early attempt of my playing with words… almost like she knew that it would be a defining part of my personality (we are by rule, not a sentimental family and don’t hold onto EVERYTHING like others do)!

So yeah, it was quite a special thing to find. But what gets me, is that I still like it.  I like it’s rhythm, I like the feeling it gives me, I like the little girl’s attitude that I can hear in the last two lines… And I LOVE that mum had the insight to let my grammar slide and support my artistic licence to experiment with language instead. 

After all… ‘And if you say I’m not, I am’…just doesn’t have the same ring to it.








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